TRANSPARENCY

We are all born with transparency, notifying the world we are hungry by crying, or laughing when we are amused, regardless of the surroundings, and accepting all things as they exist when we discover them. We are who we are, and not a thought is given to being any different. Parental teaching and discipline starts the process of learning what is acceptable to the rest of the world and what is not. My mother told me when I was a child that I'm not who I think I am, and I'm not who others think I am. She said that "I am who I believe, others think I am". It may sound strange, but for many people this is a tough process of growth that clouds transparency for decades. Childhood is a tough time period to make all the mistakes and face public consequences. We're no longer as sure about who we are as we mature. It is the start of what we call our self-image.

I remember fights as a child over something called "getting in my business". Somewhere along the line a right to privacy became an awareness, so secrecy about thoughts and feelings became a more comfortable way to live. An outward persona that is socially acceptable in the culture or climate we live in is like a second personality that is learned. For most, if not all people there becomes a private life and a public life. Real or perceived weaknesses are not part of the public person, so privacy must be maintained so people won't find out. Behaviors become acceptable or unacceptable based on the surrounding cultural acceptance, rather than what is right or wrong. Privacy is being secluded or isolated from view so great value is placed on that ability, so others can't know what we do. That just makes it easier to do things the wrong way. Experiences are added to our self-image as we mature and it becomes harder to "reinvent" who we are. For some people there are multiple versions of themselves, one for work, one for church, one for school etc. The advancements in technology have made this harder. Social networking sites like MySpace are tripping up job applicants who published a "version" of themselves for friends that employers don't find acceptable.

Transparent is defined as the capability of transmitting light so that images can be seen clearly. Being open and impartial without pretense is the opposite of the secluded politically correct image that hides actions and behaviors from the view of other people, out of the light. In Galatians 5 it says "The entire law is summed up in a single command: Love your neighbor as yourself...So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want...But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control". God develops the fruit of the Spirit in our lives by allowing us to experience circumstances, usually tempting us to express the opposite quality. I'm taught love by having unlovely people placed around me, joy by suffering, peace by chaos, and patience by waiting. Last month's subject, integrity, is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; accountability to others often helps. We have to lose the concern about how we will appear to others and know others are not perfect either.

It seems like it would be so embarrassing for "everyone" to know your weaknesses, foibles, sins and details. That feeling must be pride because God knows all those things and he loves, forgives, and helps us for our good. James 4:6 says "But he gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." In a nutshell, since you are transparent to God, not being transparent to those around you means what they think about you is more important to you than what God thinks about you. James 5:16 just says it straight "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective". Your effectiveness is diminished substantially if you strive to maintain multiple "personalities", and sooner or later you will be caught. You can't serve two masters, you can't be on opposing teams. In Rick Warren's book, The Purpose Driven Life, he says "Most of all, our weaknesses increase our capacity for sympathy and ministry...Ministry begins with vulnerability". There is a caveat to this, however. People, unlike God, will attack for purposes that are not for your well-being. Be forewarned there is a price to pay for transparency.

Recently I went through an examination in preparation for some chiropractic work on my spine. There were plenty of questions about symptoms, lifestyle, and even a thermal test to help determine where the body was signaling distress. Prior to any spinal manipulation, however, was a series of X-rays so the doctor could see the structure of the bone and ligaments. The X-ray was the transparency that was used to assure help was provided in the right places. Similarly, being transparent allows those that can provide help to know where the right places are. The picture at the beginning of this blog shows you my bones and teeth in my head. My thoughts and feelings can only be seen if I share them. Relationships strengthen with transparency. It is also a requirement for me to help others, not just for being helped.

Being transparent is obviously the right thing to do and there is great wisdom in transparency, but it is only possible with spiritual maturity. By it's definition you or I are transmitting the light that is God, for clear vision to those around us. It is, however the opposite of how we grew up and how we are taught in our country. I just finished serving two years on our HOA board and was part of making the HOA decision process transparent to the homeowners. We want our representative government to be transparent to us as citizens. In this season of political campaigning the attacks at every real or perceived weakness is obvious from all the media reports. In my formative years the pain associated with the attacks of people built a crusty layer of protection, essentially pretending to think and be like them to be left alone, or at least out of the "limelight". In our country the "right" to privacy has been expanded to kill unborn babies as well as allow behaviors that in the recent past were crimes. It is critical that I take a stand and that you take a stand, not to fight, but to speak the truth in love. In the January 2006 edition of this blog I said it was OK to offend and be offended. If you are transparent that will happen as we're all different. It requires courage and assistance from those that are more mature. It is up to you to determine whose assistance you will accept but a bit of wisdom is start with someone who seems to be the way you want to be.

I've been told that others know exactly what I think and feel, but I know I'm not transparent. The hard knocks of life has clouded the view, and repeated coats of ridicule, without cleaning through prayer, keeps it that way. Confidence (see July 2006) is hard to maintain especially if it's built on being accepted and you aren't. Pride goeth before a fall is a true cliche, and I have many areas of pride. The bottom line on this subject is that it is very,very hard. A place to get started is accountability to one person, then two, then three etc. Entering into that first open and honest relationship that risks rejection is scary. For most people, it is a parent or spouse. A good friend or two, accountability partner, or pastor should be an early step if you haven't taken it. Those individuals you've chosen have to officially be given the authority to be honest with you. The goal of the journey is for there to be only one image of you, both to the outside world as well as yourself. The American ideal of privacy is disappearing with desires for security and public cameras capture our image more each day. My blog has thoughts and feelings on many subjects and the links to my blog include a MySpace profile and organizations that I believe in. My daily Outlook schedule has all the various aspects of my life interlocked into the prioritization I've determined, and is open to those that I work with. If you've read this far you know more about me than many others. It will take a lifetime to be fully transparent so it is a long process. Where are you on that journey? It's a new year, perhaps a time for a fresh start for you as well.

INTEGRITY

Twelve years ago I attended my first Promise Keepers gathering in Dallas Texas, and found that the goal of that organization matched mine (check the PK link at http://wilkinswisdom.blogspot.com/.) Since then I became more involved attending conferences in three other states and volunteering to work the Phoenix Pastors Conference in 2002. "Men of Integrity" sounded right but what exactly is integrity? The dictionary defines it as a strict adherence to a code of moral values, artistic principles or other standards; complete sincerity or honesty. Imagine if all men (and women) were men (and women) of integrity. The difficulty I have with the definition is a lack of defining what the standard is. Consistently immoral and being honest about it could qualify as integrity so allow me to add to the dictionary definition.

In the book of Titus, the Apostle Paul teaches in Chapter 2: "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us". In another part of the chapter he states "You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love, and in endurance......similarly encourage the young men to be self-controlled." Living a self-controlled, upright and godly life, while teaching and challenging with encouragement and love is more consistent with my view of having integrity.

It's been my experience that living by that definition has not been as hard as is might seem, for the small number of minutes each day it is accomplished in me. The harder part is the consistency of having integrity at all times, in all circumstances, with all relationships, day after day, year after year. The word comes from the Latin "integritas" meaning completeness (whole, as the math term integer). God has to empower us to practice integrity in our dealings with others because our human selfishness will rise up and influence our perspective of all things. Our culture that focuses on possessions and lifestyle adds an element of difficulty to having integrity in many areas of our lives. Christian and church culture focuses more on avoiding negative behaviors than demonstrating positive ones.

Even the definitions of the word honest begin with two NOTS before moving to HAVES; 1) NOT given to lying, cheating, stealing, or taking unfair advantage 2) NOT characterized by deception or fraud 3) HAVE equity and fairness 4) HAVE or manifest integrity and truth. Integrity certainly includes avoiding the negatives, but it also must include having the positives manifested by loving others. In a general sense men are more concerned about being respected and women more focused on being loved. While work is required to be worthy of respect, no work is required to be worthy of being loved. The same can't be said for loving. Both respecting and loving requires hard work and continually avoiding selfishness. My suggestion is to start each day with prayer and ask for the empowerment that God offers to have integrity for the day.

Reputations come from past actions that are known by people. A reputable person or business gained that estimate of trustworthiness from previously being honorable and upright. A reputation for integrity is highly desirable and only possible with a consistent life that begins now. Regardless of the level of integrity shown in the past, the present is what matters since it is the start of the future. It allows you to start over if you messed up, or it allows you to continue a life-long reputation that is only valid if it continues. My request is that you take a moment to reflect on relationships, circumstances, and the various roles you have in your life today and determine your future reputation for integrity. At some point my life will end and my goal is to be referred to as a caring but tough MAN OF INTEGRITY. How about you?

I fought writing about this subject with the Christmas season upon us and so many things to write about Christmas, but continue to believe this piece on integrity is what is needed. YouTube does have a great song out called "Christmas with a capital C" that I encourage you to investigate. In many facets that fast changing world of technology requires more integrity of each of us due to the enhanced ability to fool people with slick digital media manipulation. Be careful out there.

ENCOURAGEMENT

Encouragement is inspiring someone to continue on a chosen course, primarily by imparting confidence to embolden and support them. As it sounds phonetically you are to inject courage. Discouragement is defined by the dictionary as depriving of confidence, hope or spirit, as well as hindering or hampering. The two words are literally the opposite sides of confidence. In the June 2006 version of the blog we discussed your confidence from the perspective of you gaining that assurance regarding facts and beliefs. This discussion is how you affect the confidence of others by being encouraging or discouraging. It is wise to intentionally be encouraging. Your effect is greater on those that you are close to (see the September 2007 blog on relationships). My wife, as my closest human relationship, is extremely encouraging with words and actions. My father, on the other hand was quite critical and discouraging as I grew up. That may be why my initial reaction to situations is to find what's wrong.

My 23+ years (so far) in Toastmasters has taught me quite a bit about evaluation. After each presentation in the club, someone is assigned to provide feedback for the purpose of improvement. It is purposely called an evaluation rather than a critique because it is designed to build up rather than tear down. Speaking requires confidence, so pointing out what can be changed to make a speech better requires skill to avoid discouragement. What I've learned is that encouragement does not mean that you are only full of praise and ignoring those areas that are not praiseworthy. Encouragement then, is finding ways or words to convey that you believe in someone even when they are not perfect, rather than only noticing when they are perfect, or focusing on any imperfection for all those times they are not.

For decades I thought I should point out areas that needed improvement in others for their own good. When projects or programs were proposed I was quick to identify and communicate the flaws and risks with the design. God apparently gave me this intellect to assist all around me at noticing what needed to be changed. I could tell they were unaware of their many flaws because they still had them. Then I read Matthew 7:5 where Jesus said "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye". While I was working on that log I read Hebrews 3:13 that says: But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today"... 1st Thessalonians states in chapter 5 verses 9-11: For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us that whether we are awake or asleep we may live together with Him. Therefore, encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

That's a lot to absorb but it became apparent that my recognition of problems and flaws was not a gift but a curse, unless I changed how I addressed those problems and flaws. More Bible study revealed Romans 14:13: Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this- not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way. Then in 15:4 it says "For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope". The Scriptures provide encouragement, which we know is imparting confidence to continue on a chosen course. We are also to provide encouragement to each other day after day, meaning we'll need encouragement day after day. We are each a supporter or a stumbling block. This is true day by day and moment by moment. Even when in pain, in a bad mood, or focused on a task at hand, we are to be encouraging. If in doubt as to where to start, use scriptures.

Encouragement takes time as well as effort. In the same way we previously mentioned relationships the level of encouragement should be at a similar level as the relationship. I should be more encouraging to my children than the pro sports player I met once or twice. In business encouragement is also very important. Sincere compliments never get old or tiresome, and actually add impact to those times that you have to explain how one's strengths can be used to address and overcome a weakness. For some reason I thought if I admired a quality in a subordinate, I couldn't suggest ways they could improve performance in that area so I withheld encouragement, many times at a crucial moment when encouragement was needed. Actually it's the opposite. Providing that encouragement (infusing the courage) is what's needed when things seem to be going wrong.

Therefore, it is desirable to encourage those around you, and an intentional plan may be needed if you're like me. As mentioned before, my wife has encouragement as a gift and our children inherited what they have from her. Many stories are available in books or articles about teachers or coaches that impacted someone's life by believing in them and encouraging them. http://www.godswork.org/enccontents.htm is an on-line source for inspirational encouragement. The point is we should be more encouraging. Like the old saying that you can't be too rich or too thin, you can't be too encouraging. Your next opportunity may be adding comments with the link below:

TRUE LIBERTY

"Give me liberty or give me death!" This was the passion our county was founded on. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness". "We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America." Today, most use of the word liberty is discussing a loss of our civil liberties by the U. S. government to improve security so perhaps a definition will show the wisdom of true liberty.

Freedom from arbitrary control, captivity, or slavery; the sum of rights possessed in common by a people; freedom from interference, obligation, restriction, hampering conditions or right of doing, thinking, or speaking according to choice. That definition is a combination from Webster's and Random House dictionaries and shows how closely linked freedom and liberty are. The first definition of freedom is the state of being free or at liberty. In a nutshell liberty and freedom can both be described as the power to determine an action without external restraint. As mentioned last month in the blog on relationships, God made us with freewill so naturally we want to exercise it. Think of it, no restraints of any kind, no external control, just a focus on what I want, when I want it, in the way I want it.

As children and teenagers find out growing up there are internal forces (note that parents as the external force are to teach about this) that provide a balance to unrestrained liberty. When I was three years old I exercised the liberty of taking another child's toy which made me feel good, because I wanted that toy. My personal liberty took a thumping on the posterior by my Mother who seemed to have a concern for the liberty of the child who previously possessed (and owned) the toy. The kind of system that I grew up in gave liberty to all people, meaning I was required to set limits on my liberty for others to have theirs. Please note I still had the liberty to take the toy back, there was just this addition of punishment for exercising that liberty that had to be considered. By age five I even had the responsibility of considering the feelings of other people when exercising the liberty I was born with. My internal responsibility of considering others was learned, not something I was born with. Agreed upon rules for living together is what makes up a society, so laws are imposed just like the 10 commandments were given in the Bible.

The various forms of government from monarchies to communism, from dictators to democracy, all add controls on our liberties for the purpose of social order. From the perspective of considering others, these may be quite good. The old argument that you can't cause a stampede in a crowded theatre by yelling "FIRE" and explain it away as free speech is true. Wars have been fought over principles like taxation without representation, and government massacre of it's own people. On the other hand, government controls on religion, speech, and protest can cause indignation and social change. Social liberties come as a result of compromise that not all will agree with. Being frisked at the airport does not make me safer, but because others think it does we all stand in lines and go through a screening. I believe it will eventually be this focus on public safety achieved by restricting liberties that will bring down our government. Note the wording in the initial paragraph. Securing the blessings of liberty followed the common defense and general welfare in the constitution as a goal of the representative government system we have in the United States. It is also why voting is so crucial and public service should be a desirable vocation.

I mentioned freewill earlier as how our Creator created us, but he also allowed us to willingly submit to him and others. Romans 3:23 and 24 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus". Romans 8: 20-21 says "For the creation was subject to futility, not it's own will, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from it's slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God". Christians have true liberty, meaning they can willingly follow Christ or they can willingly focus on self each moment. Galatians 5 says it this way " It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery ...for you were called to freedom, only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." The liberty in Christianity has another warning found in 1st Corinthians 6:12 "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything". In other words there are things that should not be done by a wise person despite the liberty that allows it to be considered.

In 1945 Reverend Martin Nimoller, a Lutheran pastor in Germany wrote the following to explain how the atrocities of Nazi Germany came about:
First they came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up, because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me.

The version inscribed at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. reads:
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.

In the lesson I had to learn in preschool years, our liberty must have limits for others to have liberty. 1st Corinthians 8:9 says "But take care lest this liberty of yours somehow becomes a stumbling block to the weak". Many churches today seem to wrestle with what can best be described as exercising their liberty individually and as a group. Many cultural inroads into the church has been made by the lifestyle of believers, both nonsensical traditions as well as outright sin. Precepts are directions given as a rule of conduct and the Bible is full of them. Philippians 2: 3-5 says " Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus". Contrast that to the "interest groups" pushing their lifestyle, their beliefs, their comfort, their desires, their focus. I've found most people are convinced what they think is the "right" way and therefore others are "wrong". Persuading others through civil discourse is what we are called to do even if what they do and say is outrageous. If I am able to impose my "right" way on others it is only for the social good, isn't it? But, how is liberty affected? If I get these things enacted into law is it a reduction of the liberties of other civilians where I live?

Recently the American Family Association, a group committed to what I would term moral family living, launched a boycott of a retailer in Florida. The desire was to stop the distribution of magazines such as Playboy that were available under the front counter at those stores. Unlike an introduction to Jesus, that changes lives from the inside out, this well meaning organization chose to impose restrictions on how they desired others to behave. As a result of the boycott, not only do the Florida stores still carry these magazines but other states across the country that previously did not carry them, added distribution, quadrupling the number of stores nationally selling what the association was trying to control. It's just another example of a Christian organization thinking their power to control the action of others is more powerful than God's, and having it backfire. After all, God is in control of everything and He allows freewill without forcing behavior. As a Christian I'm to follow Jesus and tell others the good news that accepting him not only provides eternal security but also comes with true liberty here on earth. Our founding fathers called them unalienable rights.

In John 14:6 Jesus said "I AM the way, the TRUTH, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. My blog in January of this year made the point that there must be a single definition of truth. In the Sermon on the Mount he clarified many traditions and perceptions of the day as written in Matthew chapters 5,6, and 7 with THE TRUTH. Avoid imposing what seems to be logical, moral, acceptable, cultural, relevant, traditional, patriotic, fulfilling, comfortable, or right unless it is an absolute truth that can be found in the WORD OF GOD, either with specific words or a precept. True liberty comes from the rights that our Declaration of Independence identified as coming from our Creator. As we imagine the next attack on us by foreign terrorists, internal extremist groups on the left or right or even activist judiciary, please take a moment to consider this: YOUR LIBERTY COMES FROM ENSURING THAT OTHERS HAVE THEIRS. This Macromedia on-line flash site, although providing a secular and more radical view than mine may help make the point:http://sedm.org/LibertyU/PhilosophyOfLiberty.htm Thanks for reading this month and considering how these thoughts might apply to you. The link below will allow you to make comments and read previous blog entries.

RELATIONSHIPS

Genesis records the creation story that includes the first human on day six. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. In Chapter 2 He said "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." In verse 20 it says that Adam named all the animals but no suitable helper was found (apparently a dog is not man's best friend). So God created Eve. 4 verses later the serpent talked her into eating the forbidden fruit that Adam had told her they couldn't eat, but he ate it also. In that moment their relationship with God changed forever, as well as ours. By chapter 7 God had flooded the earth but kept Noah and his family alive because Noah was a righteous man and walked with God. Chapter 9 verse 11 records God telling Noah " I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood" (no mention of manmade bombs but the rainbow remains to remind us of his covenant).

We learn from other parts of the Bible that God made mankind to have a relationship with. By giving us freewill God knows that we can choose to love him or choose not to. I go through these facts to show that we were made to have relationships and different kinds. By the time God had to hand down the 10 Commandments to Moses it was obvious that rules had to be applied to the differing relationships. All indicate how our relationship should be with God and also with others. Husbands, wives, children, parents, brothers, sisters, neighbors, and even employers are all covered. Leviticus records even more details on how each of these relationships should be handled. Chapter 18 covers sexual relationships in great detail, so there's not any room to question what is right and what is wrong in God's eyes.

It's not enough to have a relationship, it needs to be a good relationship. Psalms 107 says "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.....Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord". Jesus referred to it as loving your neighbor as yourself, and to clarify further he said we are to love our enemies. That same freewill we have to choose Jesus or not, is also available to be obedient to Him or not. This is not just hard at times, it is hard all the time. Flawed humans are very difficult to have good relationships with and making the attempt at the same time with multiple people can be exhausting. It's the rub that changes us. Iron sharpens iron and since we too are flawed the work in the relationships is what improves us. This is a key nugget of wisdom that requires some thought. All relationships require work and continual adjustments on our part. The process of learning about relationships begins when we are born with freewill.

In most instances the first relationship for a child is with their parents, usually led by the mother. Teaching, nurturing, protecting, touching, loving, and feeding are part of a seemingly one-way relationship. It is true we raise children to leave home but they will always be our children. As a child grows they expand their relationship world to relatives, friends and neighbors. With the possible exception of relatives, these relationships are often temporal, but a good time of learning. Then there are the romantic relationships that pop up in the teen years and by some point in their 20's a permanent relationship of marriage for the majority of people. If there was enough rub in those child relationships to improve each one, the marriage is a permanent commitment. Sadly, more and more marriages in our society are built on feelings so that when feelings change marriages end. Relationships are far more than feelings, but they're involved.

I read somewhere that politics is the lubricant of society. Although that visual picture in this political season is not pleasant, there is a point to be made. Politicians are looking for votes so they win by building a good relationship with voters. Some say what they think a majority want to hear and some say what they think, and hope a majority agree. In the modern age of media, how they say it becomes important as well. The 30 second sound bite is down to the 10 second sound bite in full high definition color with surround-sound. One bad sound bite that can be played over and over by a manipulative media can crush a campaign. That same step in a personal relationship usually comes in anger. "I wish I'd never said that" doesn't take back the feelings of hurt. I've been told it takes 10 to 12 positives to offset every negative. The same way to win in successful campaigns and relationships is to discipline the mouth. James Chapter 3 explains it this way: "the tongue is a small part of the of the body but it makes great boasts...the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person". Then verse 17 says "but the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere".

Successful relationships as well as successful political campaigns are very careful of words. In the December 2005 version of this blog we talked about the 5 love languages (words, service, time, gifts, and touch). We learned that most people have a dominant love language and one of those 5 mean far more to them than others. Improving and deepening personal relationships means providing love in the language of the one you are loving instead of the language that means more to you. It's yet another way to put the need of the other ahead of your own. It's an example of what the verse in the previous paragraph referred to as being submissive. Sometimes a man will buy an expensive gift for his wife whose love language is time (on his way out of town on a business trip) feeling like he's done a good thing, but creating a gap. Often what she perceives is the root of a feeling that he didn't care enough to schedule time with her, nor understanding her enough to know the gift had no more value to her than a toy. You can apply all the other languages and situations and find dozens of scenarios where the feelings that result don't match the intent. Those are in stark contrast to a relationship with someone where those gaps don't exist. The gap can also bring about a competitive relationship such as one that can lead to an affair with someone who "understands", or just a new friend to replace the previous one.

Casual relationships are even more difficult than close relationships as you know less about the other person. For some strange reason I can't understand most people treat strangers and those that they have a casual relationship with better than those that they love and have close relationships with. It's probably the fact that you know so little about them that makes you cautious. Domestic violence is perpetrated in our society by people who normally are not violent in other social situations. The knowledge gained by the deeper relationship is abused in a vain attempt to make the abuser feel more powerful. It's only one of the vile examples where one or both didn't learn earlier in life how to have a good relationship. It provides an emphasis for good parenting skills and how critical discipline is (see last months blog) in the life of children. Today's more urban culture results in more relationships than rural life of the past. More diversity in the United States means there are more cultural habits and beliefs that challenge relationships.

As mentioned earlier, God made mankind to have a relationship with, but sin entered the world through the deception of the serpent. This provided an enormous dilemma for God because He is righteous. The flood removed most of the sin from the earth but left a remnant on the ark. The Bible records how Noah's three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japeth, along with their wives populated the earth again. Generation after generation ignored the love God had for them and chose their own way, despite his commands to follow the law and a promise of a messiah. Then about 2000 years ago he sent Jesus to the earth. He taught, then shed blood as he died on a cross as a sacrifice for my sin and came back from the dead on the third day, overcoming death. John 3:16 says " For God so loved the world he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". Romans 5:8 says "But God demonstrates his love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us". Therefore faith in Jesus bridges the gap between a righteous God and sinful man so that there can be a good relationship. Submission to God allows his love to change you as well. 1st John 5:1-3 says "Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey His commands...".

So, we've come full circle. The Bible explains that we were born to need relationships and how they should be structured. Our actions as well as our feelings stem from a prioritization of the relationships in our lives. We are each part of God's creation that are allowed the decision to choose or reject Him. Choosing (check the May 2005 blog entry on Cliff Note Christianity) means prioritizing that relationship above all others and spending an eternity with Him in heaven. Rejecting means an eternal separation from God, spending eternity in Hell, and your earthly relationships are only temporal at best. Choosing Him means also choosing others. Jesus said in Matthew 22: 37-39 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it; Love your neighbor as yourself". We all have love for ourselves, demonstrated by actions such as eating and clothing ourselves. Selfishness and humility battle in each aspect of all our relationships. Jesus said he came to serve and we should be like him. A servant's heart in any relationship will enhance it greatly. In relationships, as in all other subjects where wisdom is needed, we only need to check out the Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E.). Steven Post has even found that you live longer. His website at www.whygoodthingshappen.com examines how caring affects our length and quality of life and what he wrote in his book. Be careful not to try and do good things so that you'll benefit, but it is nice to know blessings follow.

Take a few moments to consider each relationship in your life today and the prioritization of time and focus that you give to it. Balance in life is critical (see February 06 blog) so there has to be a hierarchy in the many relationships you have. I value my relationship with God above my wife, my wife above my children, my children above my friends, my friends above my business partners etc. Interestingly the length of each of those relationships is shorter than the previous one. My willingness to submit my selfish desires in a subservient role to their desires also diminishes down the list. Is that a self-fulfilling prophecy due to what we've learned about good relationships or is it a healthy balance. We must each choose with the freewill God gave us.

Click below to be taken to the website where you can post a comment about this blog entry or previous entries. At some point in the future these insights and your comments about them may be read by my grandchildren even if I've gone on ahead. As my desire is for these words to be helpful, feel free to forward them to those that need a particular subject illuminated in a life circumstance.

DISCIPLINE

I always knew discipline was a critically needed part of life, but I really didn't know what it meant. It seemed more closely aligned to getting in trouble than becoming successful. A review of the actual meaning from Websters 20th Century 2nd edition unabridged dictionary listed the definitions in order of how the word is used. The first word in the number one definition explains why it is so crucial: 1) Training that develops self control, character, or orderliness and efficiency. 2) the result of such training; self control and orderly conduct. 3) a system of rules or methods.

If you've read this blog for long you know where I think the system of rules or methods should come from. Proverbs 22:6 says "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it". Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord". Jesus said in Luke 6:40 "A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher". 1st Timothy 4:8 says "for physical training is of value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come". Proverbs 3:12 and Hebrews 12:7 says the Lord disciplines those that he loves.

Continuing with the dictionary definitions, number 4) Subjection to rule; submissiveness to control. 5) Correction ; Chastisement; Punishment inflicted by way of correction and training. 6) anything taught; branch of knowledge or learning, and 7) to subject to discipline; to prepare by instruction; TO TRAIN. So you can see we came full circle with the meaning of discipline. Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it". In other words, we're all going to go through it, so rejoice and learn from it, don't throw a pity party. It's for your own good.

I've often said most self-help books and all management books came from principles listed in Proverbs. That is to say there isn't really that much that's new since we're all human, even though each generation likes to believe they are somehow different. The Bible was written down thousands of years ago at a time in history far different than our modern era. The theme of my blog, as well as the book of Proverbs is wisdom. Take this caveat to heart: Solomon, who wrote the Proverbs also wrote Ecclesiastes 2:21 "For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune". He then concludes that book in Chapter 12 with "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil".

That first definition mentioned training that develops self control, implying that we don't have it and it doesn't come naturally. Numbers 2,3, and 4 indicate that being submissive to control, order, or rules is how that self control is obtained. In a society that worships individuality, comfort, happiness, and personal pleasure it seems quite strange to say that those self centered priorities must be given up to achieve self control. That is not to say that one with self control can't be happy or comfortable. It is that system described earlier requiring prioritization of everything. The Bible records the 10 Commandments, that start with submission to and love of God, then follows with submission to and love of others, with specific commands for specific relationships. These also don't come naturally, but they're part of the system of rules in definition 3.

Training is the beginning of discipline, but motivation is what actually gets it started. Now that I've adequately described what discipline is, allow me to share a personal example of motivation. For years I went to the dentist and was told to floss but didn't. Despite many fillings, crowns and even a root canal, about eight years ago I read an article that said the body's immune system is taxed fighting inflammation such as gum disease. It's possible that the weakened immune system could be a cause of a cancerous outbreak that might otherwise be overcome by my immune system, according to the article. As my mother and sister died of cancer (and my brother since then), I found I was motivated to discipline myself to floss each day. The first day of 2000 I flossed as soon as I got out of bed, then continued to make that the first thing I did after a bladder break each morning. I have flossed my teeth every day since (never missed a day) by making it part of the daily morning routine. A 95% reduction in cavities and dental costs resulted, but more importantly to me there is no gum inflammation.

If the only aspect of life that discipline was needed happened in dental care, I'd be all set. Alas, there are many other required and desirable areas of life where this is crucial. I wrote in February 2006 about the need for balance in life. Physical, spiritual, mental, and perhaps other health areas of life make up a successful balance. Each requires a disciplined approach to be successful. I've spent the past 23 years involved in Toastmasters to offset stage fright. Americans, in general, are less disciplined than they were in previous generations. Many social ills come from the increasingly poor parenting habits of each generation as discipline is reduced in stature as a requirement of bringing up children. Writing the book "Dare to Discipline" launched the career of Dr. James Dobson. He has an updated version out that you might wish to read, especially if you are a parent.

Here is a key reason that lack of personal discipline among the population results in social ills. The same child who gets away with a tantrum or physical violence as a pre-schooler often takes the same approach as an adult because that was how they were trained to express their emotions in those situations. Those that have parents who discipline (#5 Correction ; Chastisement; Punishment inflicted by way of correction and training) their children show them they are able to overcome the feelings that come with a need for a tantrum. As an adult they are able to exercise self control (the same self control that comes from being disciplined) and control their conduct. Discipline to DO what is right and discipline to NOT DO what is wrong comes from the same source. Imagine an electorate who votes for a candidate who does not control their personal conduct as a candidate and then complains when they don't control their public conduct in office. Recent newspaper headlines may make that imagination easier.

This blog in August of 2006 covered the subject of goal setting, and this paragraph is related. If as a result of reading thus far you want to be more disciplined, start with the advise of Walt Disney. He said "The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing". Psychologists claim a habit is developed if you do anything 21 days in a row. If you need to change a habit it will take longer, but they key to this advise are the words "in a row". As an example, I recognize that I need to lose 15 pounds to be at my ideal weight. I understand that carrying around a 15 pound medicine ball 24/7 has the same effect on my body as the weight does, so I'm motivated to lose the excess pounds. I have or can read dietician advise to reduce caloric intake from a daily total. I "begin doing" tomorrow morning and continue for three complete weeks with no performance failures. I am now a disciplined eater and probably 1/3 or 1/2 way to my weight loss goal. After all, the excess weight came from a daily habit of eating too much, so it's logical the reverse will work.

There is a way the plan I just laid out can fail, and many people use it. I highly, highly, encourage you to avoid it or change even if you were previously trained to use it. The failure plan starts with your thoughts and is followed by your words. "I can't", or "It's too hard", or even "I'll just fail anyway so why even try" comes from training. We were programmed in such a way that an accumulation of words become truth to our psyche, so your first step to discipline is to replace those thoughts and words. "I can do it", "It's worth it", and "if God is with me who can be against me" are phrases that you can hear over and over and should. You may recall from the numerous previous mentions that the Bible has all the rules and methods needed for life. Philippians 4:8 says "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things".

If you are in or wish to be in a leadership position, you must not only demonstrate discipline but also be able to attract followers who will be motivated to do the same. In the military, boot camps are established early in the time of service to teach and instill the chain of command. In business, politics, and a church the leader establishes a vision and then communicates that vision so that it is fully understood and embraced by capable focused trained followers. It is also why a key part of leadership is encouragement. The word disciple came from this aspect of disciplined leadership. The Bible says that Jesus simply said "come" to his disciples who dropped everything and followed him. He spent three years teaching them and then departed after a horrific crucifixion and arising from the dead. You don't have to rise from the dead to be a leader but you will need discipline.

The motivation needed to personally become disciplined is best defined as desire. If I want it enough to pay the price to get it, I'll learn, work, persevere, and develop myself until my desire is achieved. If I do not have that level of desire, then what I have is just a dream. It is possible to spark that desire by constant focus, prayer, and developing prioritization habits as part of a plan of success for the most important desires of all. Most people are not willing to pay the required price for things they say they want to do, or they want so many things there is no focus on any of them. In the USA today statistics say the average person is watching TV, playing video games or on Internet web pages for entertainment over 6 hours per day. While none of these things are necessarily bad, please understand that disciplined people utilize all 24 hours with their life's plan, not the minority of time left over after entertainment and a healthy number of hours of sleep.

Art Williams, author of "Pushing Up People" who also wrote an interesting book titled "All you can do is all you can do" said the reason most people are not successful in life is that most people do ALMOST enough to win, then they get discouraged. Nobody can motivate you but yourself. Art's 4 principles for success: 1) Desire gains strength when it has a concrete form 2) Desire become an obsession 3) Desire becomes a commitment 4) Desire becomes endurance. I mention him at the end as an example of a financially successful Christian businessman (except during the time he owned the Tampa Bay Lightning hockey team) because of the balanced life he achieved for his family and friends with his millions. The forward of his book had endorsements from Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, Pat Boone, Zig Ziglar, astronaut Alan Shepard, Dr. Bill Bright from Campus Crusade for Christ, Truett Cathy from Chick-fil-A, and Rocky Graziano, former middleweight champion of the world. His wife inspired a nonprofit organization named the A.L. Williams Family and Marriage Resources. He still writes a free blog at www.everybodywantsacoach.com. 40 years ago he was a high school football coach making $10,700 per year. What will be written about you 40 years from now? 30 years from now? 20 years from now? 10 years from now? 5 years from now? 1 year from now? Mentally focus on what you truly desire right now and never give up!!!

FAMILY

Genealogy is the study of your ancestors to learn about your unique family history. This blog, however, is about the concept of family and how crucially important is is. An individual's earliest and most profound experience of the world takes place at home. The experience of family life leaves a distinctive and lasting imprint, and shapes our understanding of how the world outside the home works. The meaning and nature of family and household varies widely across cultures and over time. Families are socially and culturally constructed, not just biologically determined. Family units are nearly universal in world history. Yet whatever their form, familial units were used by peoples around the world to construct the order of their lives at home and they influenced — and were influenced by — the hierarchies of social and political life in the wider world. A review of history proves the point.

In Genesis the Bible records the creation of the first man and woman as well as the command to multiply followed by Eve giving birth to Cain. Historians have found that families and households are universal in world history, but that their specific form is a product of culture and historical change. Moreover, the historical record as represented by official documents — such as codes of law — merely reports the prescribed or dictated ideal behavior; actual historical practices often differed greatly from ideals (imagine a future generation finding a speed limit sign and assuming we all drove slower than that number). According to the learner.org family chapter in their history course, families interacted with and were influenced by various large structures — political, economic, and ideological. The dynamics of historical change is evident not only in the rise and fall of rulers, states, and empires but also in the shifting patterns of family and households over time and across cultures. That's a fancy way to say family life ultimately determines society.

Before the industrial revolution, it was assumed that families were close knit in terms of social duties and obligations to relatives and were extended. As people migrated to the newly developing towns to find work in the new factories, they would go and live with family members who were already there (notice a similarity to the legal and illegal immigration patterns in the USA today). One effect of the industrial revolution in the early days was to extend the family. There was no welfare state to rely on in those days. For a group to be called a nuclear family there must at some time be a father, mother and at least one child. The modern family type is the ‘isolated nuclear family’. Families in the past were extended and networked in terms of social obligations. Although families lived geographically separate from their relatives, they still kept in regular contact with their relatives through visits and phone calls etc. Most of us have been brought up in a typical nuclear family with both our biological parents who are married and living under the same roof, but that situation is changing quickly.

The relationship between parents has also changed in that in the past people had children for economic reasons and were very disciplinarian. Today people do not have children (or have fewer) for economic reasons and relationships are less stern. The period of childhood has also increased, as people are now more dependent on their parents for longer time periods. The nuclear family is a nurturing environment in which to raise children as long as there is love, time spent with children, emotional support, low stress, and a stable economic environment.

In nuclear families, both adults are the biological or adoptive parents of their children. Your family of orientation is the family in which you were born and grew up, while your family of procreation is formed when you marry and have children. The conflict caused by the difference between these two views of family can be severe. In May we celebrated Mothers Day and in June we celebrated Fathers Day. Despite the claims of some, children REQUIRE both for an ideal upbringing. In most cases (but not all) the Father is more strict and the Mother more nurturing. Even when reversed it is a balance that allows a child to thrive in society. There are certainly situations where only one parent does the best they can, but the family and gender orientation rarely can be made diverse enough to be considered ideal.

Some of the adjustments people must make are caused by their relationships. Politics is sometimes referred to as the lubricant of society. Personal preferences are more likely to be enjoyed if you are the only one in your "family". When marriage occurs, two differing sets of personal preferences have to be integrated. The larger a family is, the more skilled each person becomes at balancing their needs and wants with what others need and want. In Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus replied" Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments". I hope you can see the correlation between the command to love your neighbor and the process of integrating the needs of others as high as your own, made easier by higher numbers in larger family groups.

I was born the 6th of 7 children with a 25 year gap between the oldest and youngest. If my parents were still alive they would have 14 grandchildren, an example of zero population growth as an average of the seven children. In only one generation the average children per family dropped in half, a trend quite similar across the United States and the western world. Of the 5 remaining children we all now live in different states with a family reunion attempt every two years. It's not a picture of a close extended family with numerous children at each generation carrying forth a family legacy. You may have noted in the picture of my family of procreation at the beginning that we have three children. The command God gave in Genesis was to multiply but we were too focused on economic reasons during child-bearing years to comprehend what that meant.

Vodie Baucham is an evangelist from Houston with a startling message for The Church regarding the family. Google his name and you'll find a link to a recent presentation where he describes this phenomenon of reduced birthrate as the beginning of the end of civilization as we know it. Groups like the American Family Association, The Alliance Defense Fund, and the Family Research Council are working on the political and legal ramifications of a changing description of the word family. James Dobson at family.org offers practical tips on family life and parenting. Is this blog an expression of concern over the decay of the family and a sign of the crumbling of contemporary society? Yes it is!!! The family structures of the past were superior to those today and families were more stable and happier at a time when they did not have to contend with problems such as illegitimate children and the proliferation of divorce. In the United States of America today we are the wealthiest nation in the world and have more net worth than at any time in history, but don't want to prioritize our money for children. I haven't even mentioned abortion (yet), which is primarily used to prevent added economic hardship on those who practiced procreation.

When we focus on ourselves and our preferences we have no flexibility for the differences of others. In society that comes out as bigotry and war. In the modern family that comes out as divorce, abortion, reduced birthrates, domestic violence and additional stress. When we refer back to the owners manual I call the Bible, we're reminded that life is not about us. The secret of family and the importance of family as designed by our Creator is summed up in the verses mentioned before: Love the Lord and love others as yourself. Now that you know that secret, here's the clincher where John 15:15 quotes Jesus Christ: "If you love me you will obey what I command" and Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ".

So we've come full circle. Our spiritual life determines our family life. Our family life ultimately determines society. The hierarchies of social and political life in our country as well as the societal health of our entire world come from the critically important family unit. Let's stop shaking our head at newspaper headlines or listening to the news alert about what's wrong with politics, war, and society and fix the root cause starting with our families. If Vodie is right, the future of our civilization rests on us getting on our knees and in our Bibles. Then take time to listen to each other.

There are other practical things that we can each do based on our season in life. My children are grown but I don't yet have grandchildren. I can still invest time in my children and prioritize time when future grandchildren arrive. I can invest more of my time with the families in my church and the 20 something group I try to influence. I have a neighbor who's spending 6 months in California taking care of their grandchild while the parents are on location making a movie (your example might not be as exotic). I can pray intentionally for those God lays on my heart each morning. I can write a blog to get this message to those who have influences with those I don't even know. And now I have.

MEMORIALS

As I was growing up I thought of memorials as statues or stones in public places that only old people paid attention to. We recently celebrated Memorial Day, renamed from Decoration Day in the last 1/2 century, but often viewed as another three day recreational weekend today. I'm reminded of my trip to Washington DC in late August of 2001, where casually observing the Washington Memorial and Lincoln Memorial had a different meaning only a few weeks later on 9-11-01. Those well known historical markers were placed to remind me (and you) of events that have had an effect on our lives. We visited the VietNam memorial and found the name of my sister's fiance who was killed in 1965, obviously having a huge effect on her life. It seems to me that the pace of our society will cause us to forget about major events of the past if we don't have memorials.

Landmarks, gravestones, statues, and historical markers are important, but I'm suggesting each of us needs to go beyond those gestures, and create virtual memorials, private memorials, and other items of remembrance. It is too easy to forget lessons, ordinances, anniversaries, and decisions with a continually growing expectation to accomplish more in all aspects of life. In the October 2006 edition of this blog I wrote about the important of reflection in our lives, but this month I'm focused on the things to remind us. Luke 22:19 records the Lord's Supper where Jesus said "Do this in remembrance of Me". It wasn't that he thought they would forget him, it was to cause them to recall later what he was getting ready to go through. Although we can't plan memorials for things before they happen like Jesus did, we can memorialize parts of our lives.

Wedding rings memorialize a wedding day, birthday parties cause us to think about the original day of birth or the years since, and diplomas communicate the completion of a course of study. Virtual memorials like the following online video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0 is a modern way to memorialize what supporting the troops really means. My 19 year old daughter had a new perspective of the war in Iraq when she spotted a MySpace memorial on a friends site for a boy she knew in Junior High. Nuclear energy is back in vogue while memorials of 3 Mile Island and Chernobyl have faded from the public's memory. Less than 6 years after 9-11, a surprisingly high percentage of Americans want to hope radical Muslim extremists will leave us alone if we are just nicer to them. Memorials are needed to remind us because we seem to forget so fast.

We read or hear about celebrities that come out of a rehab experience and within months have a public incident showing they were not rehabilitated. Criminals who complete their time of incarceration don't memorialize the memories of punishment and soon commit another crime. You may have had impactful events or crossroads, either positive or negative, that changed the direction and desires of your life. Memorialize them, so that the raw experience won't fade in significance over time. Personalized license plates on your car, screen savers on your computer (it used to be mouse pads but technology continues to change), T-shirts, photos in your house or office, or even posters above your bathroom mirror are all ways to reinforce memorials that are crucial to your future.

Due to the faster and faster pace of life mentioned earlier, the amount of knowledge expected of each us grows at a dizzying speed. Your present lifestyle will be overwhelmed without a plan to balance your life. I suggested a plan in this blog back in February of 2006, but the implementation of that plan will be enhanced by memorials strategically placed by you. Your time, which we all have the same amount of each day, will soon become your living memorial to others. As a parent, your children link quantity of time with love. It's also true for all other relationships, just not as evident. The old saying that nobody on their deathbed bemoaned that they didn't get to spend enough hours at the office is a true one. Matthew 22: 37-39 says "He said to him, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." For many attending a church service is a living memorial of the greatest commandment. What events in your life apply to these commandments? Events are really you giving of your time. Jesus said in Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." When your life is over, what will be inscribed on your gravestone (or maybe by that time a continually running video of your life)?

The plan of action I'm asking you to take from this month's blog is this: 1) Recognize the need for all memorials and list the ones that apply to your life. 2) Take your list and integrate it within your lifestyle so you'll be continually reminded of what has become prioritized remembrances. 3) Write in the comment section below those that you're willing to share with those who read this, then write in a private memo to yourself those that are too sensitive to make public.

"FREE" SPEECH

This has been an interesting month in the life of our country. The political season has begun early and the fallout from the comments of radio show host Don Imus has been overshadowed by the massacre at Virginia Tech university and the discussion of what media broadcast in the aftermath was ethical. From my perspective these issues and the previously discussed political correctness in this blog come down to free speech. In the United States of America one of the areas of pride is free speech. I'd also ask the question; "is speech free"? Another way of expressing the question is; "does irresponsible speech threaten freedom of speech as much as a tyrannical government"?

Having the freedom or right to express yourself is not the same from my perspective as expressing yourself because you have the right. The courts have ruled that pornography is an expression of speech, so protected, the same view for burning the American flag. There are also words that cause a violent reaction, many times due to race, gender or some other group that is offended. In the case of Don Imus it was race and gender when he called the women's basketball team from Rutgers "nappy headed ho's". He was promptly fired from his job. Did he and should he have the right to say it? YES, from a freedom of speech position. Did he or should he have enough respect for them to willingly not say it? Yes, he ultimately did after apologizing to them, but didn't have enough self-discipline to willingly not say it in the first place.

Many wars were fought to provide freedoms to all free people, so those freedoms have a cost. They are not free in the context that someone didn't pay a price for them. In the United States freedom of speech has grown over the centuries to mean far more than was written in the U.S. Constitution. The Bible doesn't present a compelling case for us to be able to say or do anything we feel like regardless of the effect on others. Instead it states we should love one another and even says "Speak and act as those who will be judged by the law of freedom" in James 2:12. Galations 5:13 says it this way; "For you are called to freedom, brothers; only don't use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love". 1st Corinthians 10: 23-24 states "Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful. Everything is permissible but not everything builds up. No one should seek his own good, but the good of the other person".

When these Christian principles of freedom are applied to the freedom written about by the founders of our country, a different dynamic emerges. David Barton has spent his life uncovering documents that prove a substantial majority of those that signed the Declaration of Independence were sincere practicing Christians. The freedom they desired for their new country was the type of freedom described in the Bible. The free speech of the 32 killed at Virginia Tech was ended by Seung-Hui Cho in a rage of killing prompted by his mentally stressed view of the world. The videos, pictures and 1800 word statement became the media picture of the disaster when NBC decided to release it. Ironically his "free" speech came after his death and overshadowed the speech of his victims. The choice of whose view of the world should be communicated to an entranced audience was made by the staff at NBC.

A balance of responsibility with freedom is required in every instance. The January 2006 edition of this blog was named "It's OK to offend and be offended", so I'm obviously not suggesting some tolerance movement where feelings are never ruffled or subjects should not be discussed. I'm also NOT suggesting that things some people do not agree with should be considered irresponsible. The issue is similar to the concept that you can't yell "FIRE" in a crowded theatre and deny culpability when people are trampled by the fearful mob. If the only purpose of your "free" speech is to hurt another, is it free? The price was paid by the one who was hurt. Responsibility for what one says should continue in legal, moral, and ethical form. So, perhaps the issue is "protected" speech.

Some subjects like politics, religion, and income are considered areas to avoid in social settings. There is a world of difference between stating that I favor a flat tax as a better vehicle to fund government and stating that if you oppose a flat tax your children should be murdered or sterilized to prevent such stupid opinions from continuing. Relational accountability should not restrict freedom of speech, it should protect it in the long-term by ensuring that political correctness doesn't end it as well as a tyrannical government. In many other countries of the world there is no freedom of speech. In almost every case it is due to government restrictions. Our Supreme Court rulings and executive orders must be watched as they have incrementally changed what freedoms we have.

Your future protected speech should be guarded in two ways. The first is to ensure elected and appointed politicians don't change the constitutional right. The second is to ensure that the media and society in general don't abuse responsible speech bringing about social ills or even worse, government restrictions. Speak and act as one that will be judged by the law of freedom. Educate all those that you know about this key principle as well. MY freedom and YOUR freedom counts on it.

REGENERATION

Dr. Henry Lodge, a member of the faculty at Columbia Medical School states that we lose 1% of our cells each and every day. Our bodies are made up of trillions of cells that live for weeks or months, then die and are replaced in an endless cycle over our lifetime. A few key cells called stem cells are not part of this process I'll call regeneration. When you exercise, your muscles release specific substances, according to Dr. Lodge, that tell your cells to grow. The other "master signal" is emotion. Anger, stress, and loneliness send the same signals as a sedentary lifestyle that cause cell decay. Love, optimism, and a sense of community trigger a process of growth at a cellular level. You choose whether new cells come "onboard" stronger or weaker by movement and mood. True biological aging is a slow and graceful process, but I like most people need to eat better, exercise more, and reduce lifestyle stress.

In my lifetime, medical science has reached a point where it has recognized that certain cells are "regenerated" and in some cases it is believed organs and limbs can be regrown in the near future. Stimulating cell regeneration can affect how diabetes, cardiology, and even audiology is ed. Most published articles approach the subject as when, not if, but the mysteries of how God made us is still a mystery. Stem cell research has even made some scientists so excited they want to kill embryo's to discover what might be medically possible. While killing some to try and help others live is immoral, this research does have great potential. Extrapolated fully, regeneration can become cloning. Somewhere in the world, there is a lab that has moved beyond the mammals they've been able to clone and are working on humans. Ethics is the study of what is right and what is wrong. Readers of this blog have had many wordy discussions about the subject, but suffice it to say that when mankind moves to this point, all the work that Hitler had done to establish a super race will rear it's head.

I was so fascinated with this word I looked up in Webster's what it actually means. The adjective regenerate means formed or created again; spiritually reborn or converted; restored to a better, higher, or more worthy state; or to chnage radically and for the better. The RE part of the word means again, or anew. GENERATE means to bring into existence, or to originate by a vital process (same as to beget). Generation means a group of individuals born and living contemporaneously, or a body of living beings constituting a single step in the line of descent from an ancestor. These definitions will be important as we look at why there is wisdom in regeneration. Spiritual regeneration is the first example. Salvation by believing on the Lord Jesus Christ is the first step in what the definition described as "restored to a better, higher, or more worthy state". Despite what you may have heard in some churches, that salvation experience that saved you and allows your soul to be eternally secure, is only the beginning. In the same way that the body sluffs off cells every day, and requires food, movement, and emotion to thrive, our spiritual bodies require worship, service through obedience, and time spent with God every day. I can't point to a study that shows 1% of our spiritual self decays and requires regeneration each day, but I believe it. Spirituality is also a lifelong experience but unlike the advancements in medical science has not improved over the centuries and recent decades. The complexity of modern life has become the idol that this generation has chosen to worhip.

Multi-generational context is a fancy way of saying that we should recognize how intertwined we are with those that came before us as well as those that have come since. How we were each raised, what our families believed and taught, as well as which part of the country or world we live in controls our perspective. Obese people often come from a family where everyone ate large quantities, so it was "normal". If you're an "outdoor person", or thrill seeker, or humble and loving, those qualities probably did not originate with you. A never ending argument of nature or nurture can't define if it's genetic or based on what seems normal to you, but we are all affected. You are also passing a baton on to the next generation, so an intentional plan will allow your regeneration to be a positive one. A balanced lifestyle includes the spiritual, physical, and emotional. In each of these areas, regeneration is a process as important as those parts in the Bible that had all those names of who begat whom. Setting the example, setting the standard, and setting the expectation will produce far more fruits than hoping tomorrow will be better. Most of your body will be replaced in the next 100 days with cells that are waiting for the "masters signal". Most of your spiritual righteousness will be worn away by Satan's influence in the next 100 days unless you stay in touch with the "masters signal". Your emotional quotient (see the Feb. 2006 blog) must include the ability to discern the danger as well as the promise of regeneration. In all aspects of the word wisdom must be applied. Think through the possibilities, then look at the photo of my grandparents at the beginning of this blog. How different was their world, because most of the regeneration we've discussed was possible then, even if they didn't know it. How might your future be as different?

GATHERING FACTS

Because our schedules get busier and busier, jumping to conclusions happens more and more. We "know" a little about a lot of things so answer most questions without all the facts. Most scams use this knowledge to ease your conclusion over to one they want you to have. The media present some of the facts along with a faulty conclusion and people will claim it as truth because they heard it or read it. We're horrified when we hear Hugo Chavez in Venezuela has replaced all school books with versions from Cuba that teach what he wants Venezuelans to believe. How many of us know who picks the schoolbooks and what the content is for schools in our neighborhood? A leading U.S. education publisher, Houghton Mifflin was purchased in December 2006 by a newly formed Irish company headquartered in Dublin. Florida, Texas, and California combined make up 30% of the $4 billion spent on educational publishing and impact the national standards. In Florida, the Governor and Secretary of State sign 6 year contracts for instructional materials, and one is likely to be signed within the next couple months, even though both office inhabitants recently changed. Is it jumping to conclusions to anticipate a new contract between Florida and Houghton Mifflin? After all, in Florida 50% of instructional materials must be state mandated (the other half by local districts). The president of the National Association of State Textbook Administrators is from Florida. Surely these distinctly different facts couldn't be combined into a scenario where schoolchildren are taught material that could engineer a change in society. If we don't trust government we jump to the conclusion it will happen. If we do trust government we jump to the conclusion it won't happen. Note that neither is based on fact, because all the facts have not been researched.

I've found most people when presented with scenarios like this explain they don't have the time to gather facts. This is despite the improvement in technology that allows so much information to be gathered so quickly. Assuming for a minute that life is too busy to gather facts about all decisions, shouldn't the highest priority ones be researched? This does not mean that varying opinions should be gathered. It means various facts should be gathered and assembled like a puzzle to see the actual "picture". By the way, if you're deciding about the last paragraph, remember two things. 1) The "facts" did not note their source so they should be suspect (even though I researched them). 2) Not enough "facts" were presented to make a determination, so unless you take time to research more, don't arrive at a conclusion. In my job as a Category Manager, a large part of the role is planning. Providing all the facts to a given situation has to part of a disciplined process that occurs before a decision is made.

Based on the meanings of the word, FACT, from Dictionary.com, a fact is described as these definitions:

1. something that actually exists; reality; truth: (check this blog for January 2007 message on truthiness). 2. a truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true: (be careful of this one).

3.	something said to be true or supposed to have happened: (see how fast the description moves toward unknowns).

4.	something known to exist or to have happened: (critical thinking skills are required to avoid groupthink).

Note that I told you the source of the definitions so you can determine for yourself if the validity of the source is adequate for you. Many people go to snopes.com to see if so called urban legends are true, even though nothing I found on the website indicates why Barbara and David Mikkelson are in a position to recognize truth from fiction. Journalism used to be an industry where facts were held in high esteem and companies built reputations on being truthful. Alas, in my lifetime it has devolved to ratings and sales, so multiple outlets are needed for any one person to takes the news as presented and grasp the probable reality of the reports. Avoid mixing in your personal hopes and ideals or they will move you toward a conclusion that is not based on facts.

For most people, and me included, opinions come from previously learned facts. If a baseball pitcher has a high earned run average, my opinion is he'll be more likely to give up a hit in a given situation. This comes from the saying, the best prediction of the future is the past. I serve on the Long Range Planning Committee of my church so as well as the normal research that is part of my job, I've looked into how futurists work. Similar to studying history to explain what happened in the past, futurists study the present to see trends and conditions that will explain the future. This involves gathering facts, but not for the purpose of knowing the fact. It is for the purpose of calculating the probability that something will become fact. As in the pitcher's ERA above, it's not real but opinion, although an educated opinion. My job involves making fact based decisions. Some companies have decision based fact gathering, in other words after the decision is made, "facts" are found to justify the decision. The more facts that are gathered before a decision is made, the better. Please take enough time to gather facts in relationship to the importance of the decision. It may not be a priority to research all restaurants in the area before going to lunch. How about voting? What about marriage, college, large purchases, parenting, and a healthy lifestyle? What are your priorities? How many facts should be gathered about them before making a decision? I'd highly suggest the bigger the decision the more research is required (as in facts gathered).

A recent Fusion conference I attended (by the way, a GREAT conference I would highly recommend) suggested 3 rules for Biblical interpretation that is also true of fact finding results. 1) Context must be considered and understood. 2) A narrative is not normative. 3) It can't mean what it never meant. There may be principles behind the facts (or Scripture) that can be applied, but for a decision to be made on facts, nothing more can be added. As in #2 above, just pointing out it happened once does not mean the happening is normal. I saw a statistic recently that said the amount of knowledge accumulated in the last two years is more than the previous 5,000 years. With the exponential growth of data, it could be true. However, researching if it's factual could take more time than is possible, because if so, the accumulation after the beginning of the research could make the answer meaningless. Statistic is another strange word that doesn't mean the same as fact, but is related. A statistic could be true but not be relevant. The relevance of the fact determines if it has any meaning for the question at hand (see the first paragraph of this blog).

We all make decisions, but there are two distinct styles of decision makers. One struggles making the decision and is quick to change it if challenged. The second makes the decision relatively quickly and rarely changes despite criticism. I am very much like the latter and I believe it is because of the instinctive process of gathering facts before deciding. If that process is followed, only new facts could cause an adjustment to a decision. My hope for you is that this process of gathering facts, discerning the accuracy and relevancy of them, and then making an informed decision will be helpful in all the decisions you'll be asked to make, but especially those that can't or shouldn't be changed in the future.

SIMPLE PASSION

I've heard that people just don't care anymore. Older folks seem concerned about the interests (or lack of them) of younger folks. S.I. Hayakawa was a Professor of English at San Francisco State College, and later a U.S. Senator for California. He collaborated with the staff at Funk and Wagnalls on a modern guide to synonyms. He states that passionate and impassioned, both drawn from a word meaning to suffer, are commonly used to describe intense states of desire, dedication, or conviction. Fervent, like impassioned, implies being filled with abiding feelings. Zealous is more applicable to dedication than desire. It applies to an unwavering adherence to a set of beliefs or attitudes. He states that simple refers to something that is not complicated or intricate and is therefore capable of being quickly grasped by the mind. Easy, on the other hand, points to that which requires little effort. Simplified means rendered less difficult and thus able to be more easily understood, performed, or used. It means reducing to the bare essentials. I'm suggesting that a lack of passion in any endeavor may often be due to a complicated process. It is also probable that those that are in charge are also passionate and may feel a need to create intricate steps to be sure the process is not made less important by it's simplification. Both of these lead to frustration when applied to or imposed upon others. When applied to traditional activities, even generational understanding is threatened. What's this all mean? Stay with me.

Life has become more complicated during my lifetime, and a review of history says that it has been exponential. Knowledge not only grew at unheard of rates, but with the availability of the internet, is able to be shared almost instantly (by the way, it wasn't too many decades ago that was being said about libraries). Value is sometimes misinterpreted as complexity. A process is a systematic series of actions directed to some end. Sometimes it's a series of changes designed to take place in a specific manner. For many, an important process has a high level of complexity. Simplicity, however, is making a comeback. It stands out when everything around it is complex. Google has made billions with a complex search engine that unlike their competitors had a simple front page with only about 40 words. Passion can be expressed easier when the process is easy to understand, or it's so user friendly that all the focus is on the intense desire and little is tied to the systematic steps. In other words passion can be unleashed for all ages when the focus is simple. Billy Graham spoke to millions around the world but didn't spend time on deep theology, other than the simple gift of salvation that was the theme of his ministry. People care about what they understand. If you are in charge of a process, simplify, simplify, simplify. If you're not in charge but are confused, go back to the basics. This is true in business settings, ministries, or your personal life.

A recent USA Today had an article titled Evangelical: Can the E-Word be saved? Despite the obvious play on words, it asked a troubling question. George Barna has found that while 38% of Americans call themselves evangelical, only 9% agree with evangelical beliefs and 1 out of 4 has not even accepted Christ as their savior. The term has become so diluted and covers such a wide spectrum of beliefs that it no longer communicates or identifies ideas, leaders, or programs. The same can obviously be said for Christian, Fundamentalist, and other names. Paul proclaimed in 1st Corinthians 2:2 "For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified". Jesus spoke in simple parables about complicated subjects. Mark chapter 4 says " He would speak the word to them with many parables like these, as they were able to understand. And he did not speak to them without a parable...". The verse that follows John 3:16 says "For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him". When he commanded us to love our neighbors as ourselves, it was a simple statement but with deep meaning. Earlier I mentioned that the word passion came from suffering. The suffering is the gap between what is desired and what exists. If you don't care about what exists it doesn't bother you that it so so different than what should be. Mel Gibson produced a movie entitled "The Passion of the Christ". The intense state of desire that Jesus demonstrated on the cross to make a way for our righteousness was the ultimate passion. Yet, the free gift of salvation he offers because of it is very simple. Believe on the Lord, Jesus, Christ and you will be saved. Simple Passion. Don't let the complexity of modern life confuse you in what you do or how you live. That wisdom will live long after I'm gone. When our son was in T-ball the Coach asked them to play with reckless abandon. This morning's devotional from Oswald Chambers said Christians should proclaim the Gospel with reckless abandon. The Christian word for that is revival. In all things, forget the complexity of the issue and approach it with simple passion!!!