TRANSPARENCY

We are all born with transparency, notifying the world we are hungry by crying, or laughing when we are amused, regardless of the surroundings, and accepting all things as they exist when we discover them. We are who we are, and not a thought is given to being any different. Parental teaching and discipline starts the process of learning what is acceptable to the rest of the world and what is not. My mother told me when I was a child that I'm not who I think I am, and I'm not who others think I am. She said that "I am who I believe, others think I am". It may sound strange, but for many people this is a tough process of growth that clouds transparency for decades. Childhood is a tough time period to make all the mistakes and face public consequences. We're no longer as sure about who we are as we mature. It is the start of what we call our self-image.

I remember fights as a child over something called "getting in my business". Somewhere along the line a right to privacy became an awareness, so secrecy about thoughts and feelings became a more comfortable way to live. An outward persona that is socially acceptable in the culture or climate we live in is like a second personality that is learned. For most, if not all people there becomes a private life and a public life. Real or perceived weaknesses are not part of the public person, so privacy must be maintained so people won't find out. Behaviors become acceptable or unacceptable based on the surrounding cultural acceptance, rather than what is right or wrong. Privacy is being secluded or isolated from view so great value is placed on that ability, so others can't know what we do. That just makes it easier to do things the wrong way. Experiences are added to our self-image as we mature and it becomes harder to "reinvent" who we are. For some people there are multiple versions of themselves, one for work, one for church, one for school etc. The advancements in technology have made this harder. Social networking sites like MySpace are tripping up job applicants who published a "version" of themselves for friends that employers don't find acceptable.

Transparent is defined as the capability of transmitting light so that images can be seen clearly. Being open and impartial without pretense is the opposite of the secluded politically correct image that hides actions and behaviors from the view of other people, out of the light. In Galatians 5 it says "The entire law is summed up in a single command: Love your neighbor as yourself...So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want...But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control". God develops the fruit of the Spirit in our lives by allowing us to experience circumstances, usually tempting us to express the opposite quality. I'm taught love by having unlovely people placed around me, joy by suffering, peace by chaos, and patience by waiting. Last month's subject, integrity, is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; accountability to others often helps. We have to lose the concern about how we will appear to others and know others are not perfect either.

It seems like it would be so embarrassing for "everyone" to know your weaknesses, foibles, sins and details. That feeling must be pride because God knows all those things and he loves, forgives, and helps us for our good. James 4:6 says "But he gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." In a nutshell, since you are transparent to God, not being transparent to those around you means what they think about you is more important to you than what God thinks about you. James 5:16 just says it straight "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective". Your effectiveness is diminished substantially if you strive to maintain multiple "personalities", and sooner or later you will be caught. You can't serve two masters, you can't be on opposing teams. In Rick Warren's book, The Purpose Driven Life, he says "Most of all, our weaknesses increase our capacity for sympathy and ministry...Ministry begins with vulnerability". There is a caveat to this, however. People, unlike God, will attack for purposes that are not for your well-being. Be forewarned there is a price to pay for transparency.

Recently I went through an examination in preparation for some chiropractic work on my spine. There were plenty of questions about symptoms, lifestyle, and even a thermal test to help determine where the body was signaling distress. Prior to any spinal manipulation, however, was a series of X-rays so the doctor could see the structure of the bone and ligaments. The X-ray was the transparency that was used to assure help was provided in the right places. Similarly, being transparent allows those that can provide help to know where the right places are. The picture at the beginning of this blog shows you my bones and teeth in my head. My thoughts and feelings can only be seen if I share them. Relationships strengthen with transparency. It is also a requirement for me to help others, not just for being helped.

Being transparent is obviously the right thing to do and there is great wisdom in transparency, but it is only possible with spiritual maturity. By it's definition you or I are transmitting the light that is God, for clear vision to those around us. It is, however the opposite of how we grew up and how we are taught in our country. I just finished serving two years on our HOA board and was part of making the HOA decision process transparent to the homeowners. We want our representative government to be transparent to us as citizens. In this season of political campaigning the attacks at every real or perceived weakness is obvious from all the media reports. In my formative years the pain associated with the attacks of people built a crusty layer of protection, essentially pretending to think and be like them to be left alone, or at least out of the "limelight". In our country the "right" to privacy has been expanded to kill unborn babies as well as allow behaviors that in the recent past were crimes. It is critical that I take a stand and that you take a stand, not to fight, but to speak the truth in love. In the January 2006 edition of this blog I said it was OK to offend and be offended. If you are transparent that will happen as we're all different. It requires courage and assistance from those that are more mature. It is up to you to determine whose assistance you will accept but a bit of wisdom is start with someone who seems to be the way you want to be.

I've been told that others know exactly what I think and feel, but I know I'm not transparent. The hard knocks of life has clouded the view, and repeated coats of ridicule, without cleaning through prayer, keeps it that way. Confidence (see July 2006) is hard to maintain especially if it's built on being accepted and you aren't. Pride goeth before a fall is a true cliche, and I have many areas of pride. The bottom line on this subject is that it is very,very hard. A place to get started is accountability to one person, then two, then three etc. Entering into that first open and honest relationship that risks rejection is scary. For most people, it is a parent or spouse. A good friend or two, accountability partner, or pastor should be an early step if you haven't taken it. Those individuals you've chosen have to officially be given the authority to be honest with you. The goal of the journey is for there to be only one image of you, both to the outside world as well as yourself. The American ideal of privacy is disappearing with desires for security and public cameras capture our image more each day. My blog has thoughts and feelings on many subjects and the links to my blog include a MySpace profile and organizations that I believe in. My daily Outlook schedule has all the various aspects of my life interlocked into the prioritization I've determined, and is open to those that I work with. If you've read this far you know more about me than many others. It will take a lifetime to be fully transparent so it is a long process. Where are you on that journey? It's a new year, perhaps a time for a fresh start for you as well.